This article is for sites where people search for people on site and message them to introduce themselves.
It is not for where the site introduces a short list of people each day through their matching system and does the ‘ice breaker introductions’ for them.
This article is from our in depth long term research, for simplicity it saying the average of all situations.
There are guys who like things to be a bit different, as there are with women. However this article comes from a lot of testing and research on online dating sites and in the offline world as well.
To demonstrate the examples, we have also used examples from the offline world as well.
In the offline world
Guys normally like to be the one that approaches the girl, the problem is that they are often scarred of rejection. This is not just paranoia, women can reject men in quite abrupt and harsh ways.
What guys need to learn is that if they approach girls in an up front, but subtle way, the girl can reject the guy in a subtle way which is not so embarrassing for both sides. However that is for another article.
The girl makes it obvious to the guy that she is interested, so that he knows he will be accepted if he approaches her.
This is done by looking at him in a way that you like him and think he is very attractive. Smiling, looking at him like he is very attractive and making yourself look attractive for him. Non verbal communication is all that is needed if done correctly.
The guy feels that he has approached you, but you have actually opened the door.
If needed then as a second step maybe even a very very subtle suggestion like your tongue touching your lip, but very gently so that it is classy as it is almost un noticeable as. This is to get the guy excited and interested, but needs to be used cautiously or can give guys a signal that you are wanting a hook up and not a relationship.
This is like in old fashioned dancing, or even good sex. The guy leads, but this is because the girl chooses to go along with him. The girl can communicate to the guy where she would like to go, but this is done subtly so the guy is still leading.
In the online world
So the girl just makes a comment or suggestion that she is interested. Ideally just ‘hi’ or a wink would be enough. This is so the man can see you are interested, but still feels that he is doing the chasing.
However as so many sites have so much spam, it may need a message that shows you really looked at the guy’s profile, are genuinely interested in him and are not spamming the site for anyone who will reply.
We also recommend doing it in a feminine way.
‘Hi Ben, I saw that you went mountain climbing and you look really good’
‘Hi James, I like the picture of you on the bench, was that from your on holiday in Spain?’
So it says that you like the look of them and mentions something from what you read and saw on their profile.
This is just gentle that you noticed him, if it was not for the need to demonstrate you are not a spammer, then it would be just be a wink or something, then the guy knows you are interested.
Approaching the man
Some women want to do this and some guys are lazy and want this.
However this is the kind of guy who is lazy or scarred. Guys who are alpha males will not want this and get put off by what they see as a pushy non feminine women, so it needs to be judged.
The issue later on is that in our research, we found that where was needed, the woman finds that for the rest of their relationship the guy is really passive and she needs to take care and control of everything. You may or may not want this.
If the woman does approach, it works best if she does it in a way that he man feels he is taking the lead as much as possible and she is following.
Women though need to be careful that the guy is interested enough for it to last into a long term or lifetime relationship. Otherwise it may last a while, but not all the way. Especially as he needs to be really interested for the relationship to last through all life’s difficulties.
We have found through our research that if a guy is not really into her, in the long run, she is better off going with someone else.